I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
