I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
