Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
