you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
