I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
