Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
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University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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