Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
