What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
