Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
