pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I supernannyed him into submission
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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