Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
