Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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