OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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