dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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