Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
