your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
