I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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