Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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