My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
