Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Two words: blizzard sex
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
