Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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