i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
