i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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