Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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