I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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