If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
