Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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