when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
