Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
