Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
