During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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