So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
