Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
