The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
