I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
