Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
