If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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