Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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