Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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