I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
