this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
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We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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