Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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