My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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