and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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