You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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