I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize