Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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