Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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