dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So much rum. So many feels.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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