there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
