Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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