I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
