Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
