I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
