The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
