I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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