There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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