i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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