nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
