She went from zero to smokin in five shots
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
