I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
