Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
