i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
