He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
