wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need moral support for this bender
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
