i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
