You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
