At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Everclear isn't food dammit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
