I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
