dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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