I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Me too!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
