Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize