farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
