I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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