margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I did not marry a roomba.
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