just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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