Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
