I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
