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What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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