Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
420 ftw
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
