the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
