Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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