I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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